"And showing up turns out to be almost everything. May not be the only thing, but it’s a big thing. I reconnected with Jeff and Larry and the group picked up some worthy stragglers like Steve, but the core remained, self-selected by showing up. There’s been some stints in rehab, some surgeries, some arrests for heroin, one death by overdose, another after a short and one-sided battle with pancreatic cancer, and one was banished for betraying the trust. But Henry’s limitless capacity for fun remains contagious, and Jimmy continues to mock time by playing on two different softball teams at the Great Meadows, in Central Park—hair, no longer being an issue.

And when Arye, my younger son, decided to leave college to work on his first startup, Henry took him aside. He skipped the conventional business advice and focused on Arye finding people he trusted. Henry showed up for Arye, because that is what we do." ( Page 187 paperback)

Elan's Barnahama "Showing Up"  appears in Friends: Voices On The Gift Of Companionship

Notice there are no scenes in this writing, yet the narrative is effective in bringing meaning to experience.

 

The Power of "Show and Tell" in Personal Essay Writing

Rather than strictly adhering to "show, don't tell," personal essay writers should embrace a balanced approach: "show and tell." This method involves creating vivid scenes that immerse the reader in the experience while also providing reflective commentary that offers insight and meaning.

The commentary comes from a character that is the author, but is a curated version of the narrators real persona. In Bob Shacochis’ essay collection "Domesticity," the narrator presents himself with a touch of curmudgeonly charm, often poking fun at his own foibles and idiosyncrasies. Through Shacochis's self-awareness and wit, the narrator comes to life on the page as a complex and relatable figure, unafraid to reveal his vulnerabilities and shortcomings.

In one essay, the narrator humorously reflects on the challenges of modern life. "In the age of the Internet, we are all Swiss Family Robinsons, marooned in the vast wasteland of our personal bandwidths, and it's not a happy island." Shacochis creates a flawed and fun character. He  resonates with authenticity and humanity. Domesticity essays also include a recipe,  validating this fun and varied genre.

Showing Through Sensory Detail

Details help to paint a vivid picture of the writer's experiences. They allow the reader to see, hear, smell, taste, and touch the world the writer is describing.

While not quite a full scene this sensory writing from E.B. White demonstrates “show,” allowing the reader to smell, hear, and feel the experiences alongside the writer.

"I kept remembering everything, lying in bed the first morning, smelling the bedroom, and hearing the boy sneak quietly out and go off along the shore in a boat. The first morning after arriving at the lake, we all felt the same damp moss covering the stones of the shore; we caught the same smelts in the same pockets under the rocks; we all felt the same tug at our lines, and heard the same snap when we dipped a fish off the hook and tossed it into the pitch-darkness of a pail."

White, E. B. "Once More to the Lake." Harper's Magazine, August 1941.

Another Example: In "Heaven and Earth in Jest," from Teaching a Stone to Talk, Annie Dillard immerses readers in the natural world with rich, sensory descriptions: "They dug holes for the thin puppies...until the puppies had trotted in a starving circle so deep that they were looking automatically into Heaven each time they raised their eyes."

Telling Through Reflection and Insight

While sensory details engage the reader, it’s the writer’s reflections and insights that provide depth and meaning. Personal essays thrive on the writer’s ability to reflect on their experiences and draw connections that resonate with universal themes.

Example: In "Once More to the Lake," E.B. White doesn't just describe the lake and his experiences there; he reflects on the passage of time and the cycle of life, drawing the reader into a deeper contemplation of these themes.

Integrating Show and Tell

Combining showing and telling allows writers to create a more layered and engaging narrative. The sensory details draw the reader in, while the reflections and insights connect the personal experience to broader themes and truths.

Example: In his essay "My Bird Problem," Jonathan Franzen uses vivid descriptions of his encounters with birds to draw readers into his world, but it's his reflective commentary on his obsessive nature and environmental concerns that give the essay its depth and resonance.